ON SCREEN: a woman appears in head and shoulders shot. She is smiling though inscrutable, beautiful but also very generic.
Woman: [With a floating accent] Hi there and welcome the Good Time Happy Fun Resort where excitement and relaxation go hand in head, for an experience you’ll struggle to remember.
There is a short burst of graphics and images. Bright, insinuating music plays.
Woman: We know you’ve come a long when to be with us. Whatever the disorienting or perplexing circumstances of your extraction, rest assured, your time at the Good Time Happy Fun resort will be pleasant and consequence free. A written Starter Kit was placed beside your bed before you arrived, specially tailored to your preferred genre of lexical encryption.
Footage of a man sat on a bed reading a pamphlet.
Woman: If you still have any remaining questions feel free to consult the Realistic Interface at any time.
Graphic underneath footage of Woman says: “Not all questions will be answered.” Cut to Woman.
Woman: Look around at your easement. You have been assigned a top of the range chamber of repose complete with lamp, desk and bed for rest or adequate support should you wish to attempt copulation. If there’s anything you need please contact your interface and a Fleshbot will be on hand to service you. There is one in what looks like cupboard over there. Please take time after this introduction to get used to it. While here, you are also strongly encouraged to make friends and copulate at the Good Time Happy Fun resort.
Cue montage of (mostly) outdoor crowd shots.
Woman: Because, despite your recent extraction you will not lack for friends at the Good Time Happy Fun resort. You can meet fellow attendees at places like the Hoedown Hut [cut to footage of people line dancing], Shiny Casino [footage of people playing cards in a dim room] or the Gladiator Pit [footage of people attacking each other with swords in a dim room]. Who knows what fun you will meet?
Cut to a sudden blur of seemingly raw footage of people having sex.
Woman: GTHF facility is not just about pleasant intercourse. We have state of the art medical facilities [cut to a montage of hospital scenes] which you will visit daily for painless measurement of your biomechanical output. We also have numerous hubs that provide culinary variations such as the Clam Manufactory [picture of an eel swimming in a tank], the Irish Pub [picture of a bottle of wine] or Dave’s Legitimate Sandwich Silo [picture of an empty baguette] where the meat is 77% meat.
Cut to Woman.
Woman: But we are also not just about passive gamete harvesting.
Graphic says: “GAMETES.”
Woman: We at GTHF are desirous to know about human creativity. We have courses in art [cut to footage of a man painting a wall with a roller], music [footage of the same man asleep in bed], sport [footage of the man stood glumly, rotating on an unseen base – cut to Woman]. You name it, we have it.
Graphic says: “Unless we don’t have it.”
Woman: And if you’re wondering how this is all paid for…
Pause – music stops.
Woman: Don’t. [Long pause – Woman then smiles again] The Good Time Happy Fun resort [music resumes] is a state of the art human terrarium, 440 million square metres of domed, off-planet space [cut to footage of a huge glass dome in an empty desert] finely tuned to your native gravitational and atmospheric conditions. [Woman laughs faintly] It’s always sunny at the Good Time Happy Fun resort and there is nowhere else to go.
Graphic says: “For the duration of your stay.”
Woman: [Serious expression – music fades] Of course not everyone enjoys the transition to terrarium life. We at GTHF take this problem seriously. That’s why we have Realistic Interface monitoring at all times. [Cupboard door opens] GTHF is your friend. [Woman emerges from cupboard – music plays inside the room] The Interface is your guide. [She smiles and waves robotically] I am your interface.
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